Shared “down days”

I found a blog yesterday that I really liked, mainly because he seems to be going through the same ups and downs and questioning as I am…and given that he and I were both having a “down day” it really helped to know someone else out there was feeling the same as I.   I guess there is some upside in the world being so connected!!

There was one specific blog that I’d like to share here, as I thought it was very meaningful and something that I believe in…

http://adoubtersramblings.wordpress.com/2010/06/07/06-07-2010-my-new-revised-10-commandments/

The world feels too big

I’ve been struggling a lot over the past week.  I’m feeling very overwhelmed and lost.  Suddenly the world is feeling way, way to big and scary, and I’ve lost all my confidence (even though I’ve been sleeping well!).  I think it has something to do with the internet and access to information.

In the old days(pre-internet), accessing information was relatively limited and local.  You could read the newspaper, watch the 4 or 5 local free to air TV channels, subscribe to magazines in your chosen field of expertise, read books, attend local courses etc etc.  Everything was relatively local and/or narrow.  Through default, your exposure to information was limited and generally stayed within the boundaries of being local in nature.  It was manageable and you generally felt in control of it.

Now, with the internet we have access to anything we could think of with a few clicks of a button.  There are so many experts and smart people and so much information, so much I don’t know, so much I should know, so many things I’m not good at, so many things I do wrong or have done wrong…so much information and expertise overload!  Don’t get me wrong, it is actually invaluable having access to so much information from anywhere/anyone in the world…and in fact, helps to put the power back into the hands of the people(that’s why so many governments are fearful of it!)…but there definitely, to me at least, seems to be a downside.  The downside is that because we have the ability to access all this information, it feels like we have an obligation to know it all as well, or at least find out about it.  In addition, because we have access to every other persons thoughts, opinions and ideas it feels like there is no opportunity to have your own original thought or opinion.  If you come up with something you think is original just google it and at least 10 other people have already thought of it…how demoralising. 

The interesting thing is that you often hear that the world is getting smaller, through the internet we can all connect with each other globally as though we live in one big community.  Well, I don’t think I want to live in a community of $7B people…I want to be an individual and not the 10th decimal place of a statistic.  Instead of the internet empowering the people is it, in fact, dis-empowering them?  Is it only those that have the “egos” to think they are experts that will be heard…whether they have any type of expertise or not?

Or maybe I’ve just had a “downer” week and things will look better tomorrow!

Contradictions in life

Well I haven’t written for a few days as I’ve been mulling over a number of contradictions in life and they weren’t clear enough in my head to put pen to paper.  But I think I’m now ready to verbalise.

The first contradiction is “being happy and appreciative with what you have and are” vs “being dissatisfied enough to want to improve and want more”.  I’ve really been struggling with this one.  I’m very lucky to have a wonderful husband, children and life and I really appreciate this or at least try to.  This causes 2 dilemmas for me:

1. having it so good now I feel guilty to want to have more both materially and emotionally
2. if I strive for more then maybe it will jeopardise what I have now

I’m trying to align this contradiction…somewhere along the lines of really appreciating what I have whilst opening myself up to opportunity.  I’m concluding that maybe by thinking positively and believing I “can have my cake and eat it to” this contradiction can be eliminated.

The second contradiction is related to values….the key ones for me being honesty and integrity.  My dilemma here is that I’m seeing in life that honesty does not always seem to be the best policy.

When it comes to dealing with companies, especially global companies or government, it’s all about policy and procedures.  To ensure “standardisation”, often to the lowest common denominator, they remove the “human element” to take out judgment and by default accountability.   In fact, they rely on the human values of the customer and often manipulate these to make more profit whilst not being accountable to maintain any type of moral values themselves (how can they, they are not human but instead a legal entity) eg. issuing credit card debt beyond what people can afford knowing that people’s values will drive them to continue to maintain their minimum monthly payments.   Their only mantra is to make more profit or, in the case of government, more bureaucracy.

So is it appropriate for us, as individuals, to provide out greatest asset (our honesty and integrity) as customers to companies/governments when they do not hold true to such values?  I think not.  If they are not accountable nor should we be. We should not bring human emotions such as “guilt” into this relationship.  We should manipulate their policy and procedures as much as they try to manipulate our values.

This, however, is a very different scenario to dealing directly with individuals.  This is an equal relationship…you look them in the eye, we are “real” to one another.  This is where our values are appropriate and appreciated.  If the other person abuses your trust, they are the ones accountable for the consequences of their action eg. guilt or “what goes around comes around”.  This is where values are really valued…and not manipulated.

Teenagers don’t change

I’m a member of the late 60′s generation. I don’t know what “gen” that makes me but I always find it interesting and sometimes frustrating how my gen and later view the X, Y, Z(?) gen’ers.

I actually think I have a pretty good recollection of my “developing years” ie. the years from 6 to mid-20′s and I remember them as follows.  Childhood was enjoyable but I remember being bored a lot.  I lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere and dreamed of exploring the world especially Paris.  My teenage years were spent exploring life and all it’s “vices”.  I was desperately wanting to “stand out from the crowd” whilst desperately wanting to “be just like everyone else”.  (By the way, I did fulfill my childhood dream of seeing Paris, when I was 19)  My late teenage years and early twenties were spent exploring my mind.  I clearly remember thinking up to the age of about 21 that I had no right to have an opinion as I didn’t know enough.  Well, thanks to a friend that really challenged me, I started to have the confidence to form an opinion and haven’t looked back since.  By the age of 25 I was finally the person that I knew I truly was and wanted to be…thanks in a big part to my (now) husband.

Anyway, back to the X, Y, Z gen’ers.  People of my gen and beyond seem to think these generations are “lost”…they’re too promiscuous, binge drinkers, drug users, change jobs every 2 minutes, too selfish…what, and we weren’t(aren’t?)??   I certainly took advantage of my “youth” to use it to explore and experiment…I even remember thinking that I’ve got a do this stuff now whilst “I can get away with it”.  I know that there are those of my gen that didn’t do this…and from speaking to them I hear regret in their voices.

Are we just jealous of these newer generations that have the confidence to challenge the system? to break free of the “right path in life”? to go out and live it instead?  Mind you, they may look confident but my guess would be(based on the fact that human emotions and hormones haven’t changed since the beginning of humanity) that they are just as insecure and screwed up as we were during that time in our life.  It’s just that they “look” confident to us, as I’m sure we looked to our elders at the time.

Anyway, why am I writing about this?…well, I’ve been thinking about this in the context of my kids and how I can best relate to them during their early teenage years to help them to achieve their “greatness”…and my conclusion is…I still have no idea!

Any suggestions would be welcome!!

Progress with purpose

It’s only been a couple of weeks and already I feel that I’ve made tremendous progress. Here’s how it’s played out so far…

1. Basics – I’ve accepted routine realising it has an important purpose, so I’ve been trying to change my attitude to it(I have even stopped having a cleaner…although still struggling to embrace my approach to cleaning!) whilst adding other worthwhile pursuits to my day
2. Body – I’m prioritising sleep, breakfast and exercise to get my body back into alignment.  Conclusion being that if I don’t do this then I have no energy to focus on anything!
3. Mind – I’m exploring online information that is expanding my thinking and inspiring me to embrace learning again
4. Soul – with both body and mind working, I’ve been able to nurture my soul so much so that I’ve even identified my true purpose in life, that being “to enable my husband and my children to achieve greatness in their contribution to the universe”

This purpose may sound too “nice” so let me tell you that I am not a particularly “nice” person, I never do charity work nor other “good” things.  But from a purely selfish perspective I really feel good and energised when I help other people.  I’ve always known that I’m not a competitive person, I just don’t have that “killer instinct”.  Whenever I used to win anything I would just feel bad for all the others that lost.  But to win as a team was very different as I had helped others to win and these victories were exhilarating.

I also know that my husband is an exceptional person and from the moment I met him I knew that I was here to help him achieve his true greatness…I guess I just forgot this for awhile.  Adding my kids into the picture was maybe the distraction, but now I realise that they too are exceptional and I have been the vehicle through which they have entered the world and will do what I can to guide them to their own greatness.

I have only clearly identified this purpose for a day, but already I’m totally feeling my “sparkle” is returning.  I’m excited to see how I can contribute to my purpose today…although, I must say,  it didn’t start well as I didn’t quite have enough sleep and snapped at my husband who snapped back in return!

Hmmm….at least I now know the direction I need to take, even if I make a few stumbles along the way!

What is my purpose in life?

For me, a lot of what the mid-life crisis is about is knowing deep down inside that I have a life purpose but feeling extremely frustrated that I don’t know what it is.  Unfortunately a lot of self-awareness and life-coaching sites assume that you know what you want and you just need to build the confidence to go after it.  But what if you don’t know what you want?

Well this is where I had a very revelatory weekend!.  I stumbled across a great blog site that provided instructions for how to discover your life purpose at www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/01/how-to-discover-your-life-purpose-in-about-20-minutes/.  Instructions?…can you believe it!…and most importantly is was simple and it worked!!  In summary,

1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type
2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

So I gave it a go!  I tried to clear out my mind, call on the energy of the universe and started to write things down.  I wasn’t feeling any emotion at all but kept on coming up with new ones.  Then suddenly and quite unexpectedly I wrote one down and started to cry.  I couldn’t believe it!!… and now I’ve had even more time to think about it, it feels more and more right and even obvious.

If you’re interested, here’s the list I made with my true life purpose in bold at the end…

What is my purpose in life?

1. To continue to grow myself and help others grow themselves and their businesses
2. To give as much as my wisdom to others whilst continuing to gain wisdom
3. To reach new levels of being and to help others achieve the same
4. To achieve and maintain a state of “sparkle” and to emanate and share this sparkle with others
5. To give more than I ever thought I could
6. To make myself and others better than they ever thought they could be
7. To embrace the energy of the universe and deliver back to it positive energy from myself and others
8. To enable myself, my husband and my children to achieve our fullest potential everyday
9. To elevate people to a higher state of positive consciousness and bring out in them their full potential
10. To be inspirational
11. To make my universe beautiful in thought, achievement and environment
12. To create beautiful minds and beautiful achievements
13. To quickly find the answer to personal fulfillment and to teach and share this with others
14. To create a euphoric state of being and share with others
15. To make a positive difference every second of every day
16. To lead people on the path of self discovery and internal fulfillment
17. To enlighten myself and others to the powers within, drawn from the universe
18. To enable my husband to achieve greatness
19. To enable my husband and my children to achieve greatness in their contribution to this universe

Family and fear

When your first child is born you realise your life changes forever. Not because you won’t be able to go out as much, travel as much, sleep as much …but because you suddenly and permanently have the responsibility for another human being.  This burden of responsibility is based upon fear.  The initial basic fear of whether they are physically and mentally OK and whether you know enough to keep them alive and healthy.  Once you get past this, you then become fearful about their future….will they make friends at school, will they be smart, will they make it to and through college, will they get a job, will they get married and will it be someone that’s good for them etc etc etc…for the rest of your life.

I’m starting to think that this fear associated with our children is a big contributor to the mid-life crisis.  We want to do the best by our kids…providing them stability, financial comfort etc…which in turn makes us feel restricted.  This big responsibility restricts us from following our dreams or even allowing ourselves to dream, as we can’t take the risk….what if we end up with nothing living under a bridge.  Maybe the answer is “so what if we do as long as we’re all together”.  I know that is what my husband and I used to think before we had kids but with kids we no longer have the confidence to believe it nor even say it.

But would our kids prefer and respect us more if we actually chased our dreams passionately with “sparkle” instead of “settling” and smoldering, even if their life may need to change?

P.S. We have been thinking about moving somewhere(not sure where, just somewhere different) and my daughter said the other day “I’m OK if we move”.  I must say it felt very liberating to hear her say it…the fear lessened and the dreamer inside of me grew a little bigger.